Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: who just threw that?! Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
Yo' Mama's cooking is so bad, the homeless give it back.
Boy: "I got an F in arithmetic."
Father: "Why?"
Boy: "The teacher asked 'How much is 2×3?' and I said '6'"
Father: "But that's right!"
Boy: "Then she asked me 'How much is 3×2?'"
Father: "What's the f******g difference?"
Boy: "That's exactly what I said!"
''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends!
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.